Redefining the Ordinary

This morning, I went to have my usual facial at my usual skin clinic, and it dawned on me that I've been having my facial done by only one person for a few years now.  Having not been exempted from the hormonal, pimply stage of adolescence, I thought I'd never get used to the tortures of acne pricking and prickling.  That is, until years later, I found Beth, who did my facial with hands so light and gentle unlike any other.  It was my uncle who referred me to Beth, saying "She's the best, sarap magpa-facial!" when I didn't think it was even possible that "sarap" and "facial" could actually belong together in the same sentence.  Hers were hands that finally put an end to silent cursing and self-pitying and pondering on life's injustice under the facial cleaning lamp.  No post-redness, no facial scars, no emotional trauma.  I never went to any other skin clinic or any person since then.  No one else could touch my face but Beth.

And this got me thinking about random people along the way, who, like Beth, could do such ordinary work so extraordinarily. 

I remember Ate Alma, a photocopy lady at Ateneo, who, unlike the typical photocopier, never made a student feel that photocopying those mounds of paper was ever such an exhausting, dragging, or burdensome type of work.  I was not a frequent Ate Alma customer, but the moment she turned to me when I first uttered "Ate, pa-photocopy po" at her station, I immediately felt she was something special.  It might be the way she makes small talk with a homey smile, or the way she endearingly calls every student "pangga", but ultimately it was how she could build relationships through her work.  She doesn't treat a student like a client requesting for her service, but more like a friend, or a child, an alaga, asking for a favor, and it was a favor she was always so gracious about.  She's become Ateneo culture: cura personalis in every sense of the word ("care for the entire person"), just by photocopying, and more.

Ace, the barista who prepares coffee at the executive floor of our office, also comes to mind. One look at her and you know that she doesn't just hand out cups of coffee during meetings. Instead, she struts her way into board rooms with her fabulous hairstyle and high heels, takes the orders flawlessly no matter how many people there are, and serves signature "Ace Coffee" with absolutely no air of inferiority complex whatsoever around the big bosses.  A few minutes of her presence with a hint of aloofness would occasionally bring some humor amidst a serious discussion.  Yesterday I discovered a word that I liked so much, which I think suits her nicely: aplomb -- a sense of self-possession, poise, or assurance -- which, in her case, comes as a result of mixing coffee with character.

I can recall countless more people of the same stature.  Like Fely, who threaded my bushy eyebrows with such vigor like it were some devastated piece of artwork that she just HAD to transform into a masterpiece.  Or Manong Bebot, our reliable high school technician who could work plain magic on failed sound systems or projectors or whatever old school thing have you.  Or Inday, who works at a modest salon at the outskirts of our village but can make your pedicure look like it was done at the Basement (only she can do my mom's toes). Or Sugar, the cashier at the Ministop who knows the names of our entire actuarial team and greets every one of us so cheerfully as if the Ministop were the happiest place on earth (and sometimes it is).  We all meet such people in our daily encounters.  It could be the taxi driver who once chatted with you about the local elections and made you feel like he was your personal chauffeur, or the Taho Man who is always on time at your doorstep for breakfast on early Saturday mornings.  Think about it.  There is always someone in your regular environment or routine who is memorable.  THEY bring out the extra in the ordinary. On the other hand, some people have extraordinary things thrust in their hands, but somehow, they live ordinary lives.

When you do your work well, whatever it may be, people don't only notice.  They remember.

Colors and Lines

My past two weeks has been a touching journey reading The Help (by Kathryn Stockett), which finished me in tears, and I hold this story dear to me for so many reasons.  I felt compelled to write something, anything, just because I don't want to forget.  

Lines.  Society is filled with them.  Relationships are circumscribed by them.  Lives are defined by them.  The lines that used to exist between the blacks and the whites were ones that left scars on history but redefined fate.  I particularly liked this story that the black maid, Aibileen, told the white baby, Mae Mobley:

“Once upon a time they was two girls," I say. "one girl had black skin, one girl had white."
Mae Mobley look up at me. She listening.
"Little colored girl say to little white girl, 'How come your skin be so pale?' White girl say, 'I don't know. How come your skin be so black? What you think that mean?'
"But neither one a them little girls knew. So little white girl say, 'Well, let's see. You got hair, I got hair.' "I gives Mae Mobley a little tousle on her head.
"Little colored girl say 'I got a nose, you got a nose.' "I gives her little snout a tweak. She got to reach up and do the same to me.
"Little white girl say, 'I got toes, you got toes.' And I do the little thing with her toes, but she can't get to mine cause I got my white work shoes on.
"'So we's the same. Just a different color', say that little colored girl. The little white girl, she agreed and they was friends. The End."
Baby Girl just look at me. Law, that was a sorry story if I ever heard one. Wasn't even no plot to it. But Mae Mobley, she smile and say, "Tell it again.” 

It seems such a simplistic, overrated thought in a year like 2012, but it's the first time that I was really able to chew on it.  Because there are no lines.  We create the lines in our head. Until we become so afraid to cross them.  The truth is, "We are just two people. Not that much separates us. Not nearly as much as I'd thought."  

How to Date an Actuary

* Inspired by Date a Girl who Reads / Writes / Travels / Tweets, etc.

Date a girl who dreams of being an actuary.  When you meet her, you must at least have an idea of what Actuarial Science is and what an actuary does.  Never give her the blank stare or the look that spells “what-the-hell-is-what?”.  Do that and she won’t bother with anything but lazy answers on how it’s related to Risk or Probability or Finance.  Either you must know something about it and she will love explaining it to you to impress you, or, you know enough about it to already be impressed by her.

The most basic things you need to be acquainted with beforehand: 1) her work doesn’t have anything to do with birds, or fish, or horses, or any type of animal for that matter; 2) the professionals are called actuaries, not actuarians, and most certainly not actuarial scientists; 3) there is 90% chance that she was a Math major, 8% a Statistics major, the remaining 2% an Economics major; 4) her ultimate career goal is to pursue a local or international Fellowship designation; 5) she would most likely be working at an insurance company, a retirement consulting firm, or an HMO.  With the information she’ll be giving you, never look intimidated (it’s just a standard definition she memorized) – always look interested. (Yes, even if you’re not, you law student you, because FYI she studies just as much as you do).

When you decide to pursue her and eventually she says yes, you would also have to say YES to that baggage of actuarial exams she’s carrying with her, which will haunt you for at least the next five years of your relationship. You will be hearing about those exams from this point of your life moving forward.  Embrace those exams with open arms.  Keep track of what exam she’s taking and know how many there are left to take, because for sure you will find yourself counting down.  Train yourself now.  Exams, exams, exams, EXAMS. You won’t be able to get enough of that word.  It will seem like it will go on forever.

Your dates and travels and plans will revolve around the schedule of her next EXAM, the big red circle on her calendar.  Don’t you ever complain.  Her commitment is your commitment too.  You’re going to have to be involved.  Encourage her to start studying early.  Even if she doesn’t want to, it’s your responsibility to pressure, I mean, remind her.  Few months before the exam, accept the fact that she will be buried in her books and sample problems and heaps of scratch paper for all of her free time.  If she’s the type who wants to be left alone studying, then your dates will have to be deferred for the time being.  Don’t worry, it never means she doesn’t want to be with you, it’s just that she just needs to focus all her time and energy on this thing for now.  Just make sure she takes a break and surprise her with, I dunno, more coffee to drink or a box of newly sharpened pencils.  On the other hand, if she’s the type who wants company while studying, be with her.  Stay with her for as long as she wants you there.  Best case is that you’re also studying for your MBA or Bar Exam or Boards too.  Don’t be jealous of that BA II Plus calculator she’s carrying around with her 24/7 – sometimes it will seem like she loves it more than she loves you, but don’t worry, she will also hate it more than she hates you.  Don’t be jealous of that Broverman guy she’s always talking about, or that other man (Bowels?), or the weird one Polkinghorn (was that a dude or a dinosaur?).  Those guys may be smarter than you, but trust me, they don’t love her like you do.

Few days before the exam, you’re going to have to let her be.  Do NOT “make kulit” about ANYTHING ELSE THAT IS NOT MORE IMPORTANT THAN THIS!  Appease her if she’s panicking, but not too much for her to slack off.  (By the way, as this applies to actuarial guys too, girlfriends just bear with them guys who grow out their hair and beard until the exam.)  Give her some space; whisper a prayer for her; send her a good luck card – do what you have to do.

After the exam, there’s going to be an ineffable breathing-out experience that is comparable to absolutely nothing.  But brace yourself.  If she found it too hard, she will rant.  Boy will she rant.  Even cry her heart out. Or whatever it is she does best when she’s upset. (For the girlfriends again, some guys will shave their head off after an exam. Dunno what it is about men and their hair.)  On the other hand, even if she found it manageable, she’d still be worrying endlessly – she can never be too complacent after an actuarial exam.  But one thing’s for sure – when results are out (could be right after the exam or two months after), you’re going to have to go out.  Fail, your treat; pass, her treat.  And either way it’s going to be a good goddamn treat, as if it were your golden anniversary.

And that whole cycle will repeat itself again before you can even say the word “vacatio--“. 

More often than not, she’d aim to get the exams over with before getting married.  So if you want to marry her, encourage her to finish the exams right away.  Even if it takes her 5 re-takes on one exam, encourage her still. Sometimes she will lose hope, and you will have to keep encouraging her.  For as long as she studies hard enough, she will make it.  She. Will. Pass.  And you have to make her believe that.

If it’s not her exams she’s complaining about, it’s going to be about her work.  There will be times that her work will sap out her energy so make sure you won’t be an added burden.  You’re going to have to be a refreshing presence in her life.  After some time, her ultimate dream might just evolve into becoming a housewife, or just simply retiring early.  You’re lucky if she still wants to be a consultant.  So, in any case, you’d better step up in your own career.  They say some of the best combinations are actuaries and doctors, or actuaries and lawyers, because actuaries earn the big bucks earlier and the doctor/lawyer later on.  But anyway, whatever it is you do, make sure it will earn enough for both of you in the case that she decides one day to quit and do the more enjoyable things in life, like, say, not thinking.

So, date a girl who dreams of being an actuary.  If she becomes one, she’ll be one out of less than a hundred in this country.  How many girls can you find who chooses such a career out of love for money Math?  And it’s not nerdy, it’s effin’ hot!  The moment you meet her, she’s already a rare find.  The long journey on those exams will be worth it, especially with you by her side.

* Word count of EXAM in this write-up: 24

My Blog is Alive!

I decided I would have to start blogging again, if I ever want my dream of writing a book come true  someday.  I was never the outspoken type, often so reserved, and for someone like me who can't always express herself spontaneously in conversations, more power is found in the written word than the spoken one.  Looking back, writing has always been one of the few things that could make my heart jump, from that fueling moment when inspiration strikes until that satisfying point when the last period is dotted.  I can also recall priceless moments in my life when writing was the only way for me to stay true to myself -- to defend a friend, to turn down a suitor, to pay tribute to a loved one.  For whatever purpose it may serve, written words can be immortalized forever, and the possibility of having at least one person at the receiving end of your message or story, is an opportunity to touch their hearts.

Yayahood 101

*This is a piece I wrote for an essay-writing contest with a theme "My Icon, My Hero". Of course I did not win, but I think this is still worth sharing -- especially because it's yaya's birthday today. :)

Beef stick. Gordon blues. Pancit cantoon. I scratched my head for a moment and laughed to myself. Yaya’s grocery list never gets old. I scurried around the supermarket to look for beef steak, cordon bleu, and canton noodles. I came home proud with bagsful of groceries only to hear Yaya point out all the mistakes I had made again – wrong brands, wrong sizes, wrong colors (green Ligo sardines, not red!). I fought the urge to say, “Whatever, yahyah! Your list was full of mistakes too yahyah!” Of course I opted to stay silent to save the list for my future entertainment.

From a humble barrio in Catanduanes to our doorstep came this proud Bicolana with curly hair and a signature mole on her chin. Yaya Baby has been with our family for 22 years now. That’s how old I am too. She was our nanny when my sisters and I were little kids, and as we grew older she became our beloved cook and house keeper. Though she has lived with us for so long, we don’t really know exactly how old she is for she just giggles at us whenever we ask. She never got to marry and raise her own family (there’s still a chance though, having those textmates here and there), because she has devoted most of her life in service to our family. Yaya is, without a doubt, the unsung hero of our home.

Our memories as children are never complete without side stories about the yaya who helped raise us. My personal favorite is how despite being a skinny girl now, I was once a chubby child because my yaya was fat. And it’s true. Yaya used to force all the food into my mouth while constantly accusing me of “parking” (i.e. sucking all the juice out of the food for 15 minutes before swallowing). She would not let me play sungka with my best friend until I was done with my long and tortuous process of grinding food – so she played with my best friend instead. She was the classic Filipino nanny: she put sili on my pacifier so that I would stop using it at five years old, threatened me that an aswang would come in from my window and kidnap me if I didn’t sleep in the afternoon, warned me that Papa Jesus would be angry whenever I did something wrong. Indeed, classic evil fat yaya she was in the eyes of a child, but an effective one at that. My parents loved her.

We carried on with our childhood and Yaya was like an extra parent, but one who was obliged to perform the nitty-gritties of our little bratty requests. When our dad bought us this tri-cycled bike, Yaya had to pedal it up our steep street as I sat on the side car, instructing her to pedal faster. While my mom helped me with my cross-stitch project in Grade 4, Yaya also had to sew me a perfect set of Chinese jackstones to play with during recess time. Yaya also took on the very stressful task of dragging us from bed every morning for school, for which she deserves a best actress award in the “pretend-in-panic-that-it’s-already-late” tactic. Indeed, she had her own distinct role in my life when I was young. She could never replace my parents, but my parents could never replace her either.

As we grew up and graduated from the nanny stage, Yaya assumed the new responsibilities of cooking and cleaning in the household. Her exceptional work ethic and loyalty to my parents did not waver. My mom trained her equally well and taught her how to pray. Being sociable and unreserved, Yaya started to become popular around the neighborhood, known as Ate Babes to security guards, tinderas, drivers and other household helpers. Sooner or later she became the most in-demand ninang for their children. Then from being ninang ng bayan she also earned the title of “utangan ng bayan”, as she never refused to lend the little of what money she has to people ranging from village maintenance workers to my very own grandmother. Yaya also sought out other new fulfilling activities such as leading the household helpers’ choir for our church. Such deeds outside her regular duties make her shine and be valued by many in our community.

Yaya’s bloopers and idiosyncrasies are as priceless as her hard work. Lots of times would one of my sisters or I catch her off-guard, dancing alone in front of the mirror to Boom-tarat-tarat, snapping her fingers and clucking her tongue at the same time. She’s also the ultimate clutter-keeper, saving all of our junk such as paperbags, boxes and old thingamajigs, resurrecting our old stuff that we desperately try to get rid of (I would throw away used-up pens only to find them on my desk again the next day). She loves to narrate stories verbatim, repeating what this or that person said even though she doesn’t really have a point – so my sisters and I would crack up and she would always think it was because her story was funny. She also has this super-advanced body clock (grown out of habit in trying to wake us up in the morning) – so when she says it’s 11am already, that means it’s only 10am.

Today, after 22 years, Yaya is no longer as strong and as sharp as she used to be, but she is still yaya in every sense of the word: full of character, caring, nagging, pakialamera, chismosa, “ma-beauty” as she always likes to say, a good entertainer of guests and friend of our suitors. She still secretly cooks pancit cantoon for us for merienda even though my mom disapproves of the MSG. More importantly, she has evolved to become a GURU of household helpers. She may not be the most educated or intelligent woman, but trust me when I say that she has already earned a Ph.D. in nannyhood. Really, people like Yaya epitomize the raw essence of what it means to serve. She is a rare find and a blessing to our home. And while she has made all the classic horrifying mistakes one can possibly think of (name it, she made it!) – like burning a hole through an expensive dress while ironing it, throwing away my homework accidentally, pleading guilty in perhaps 50% of all broken glasses, and even reading my sister’s diary while cleaning her room – my heart overflows with love and gratitude for Yaya and the selflessness she has shown to my family all these years.

More often than not we talk about our parents or friends being heroes of our personal lives, and we seldom recognize other heroes in the background who work just as hard in building us a safe and loving home – like our household helpers. True enough, the Filipino yaya has been the object of humor in local movies and sitcoms, for they bring color to our life stories with their English accents and silly antics. Without us being aware of it, they have become true icons of Philippine culture. We also acknowledge the diligence and sacrifice of our OFWs, who make known the quality of alagang Pinoy to the world. I would therefore like to take this opportunity to honor and applaud all the hardworking household helpers out there – those who guard the house while the family is out for vacation, hold the cameras to take the family pictures, clean up the mess after a big party, and above all, who were there to help raise our children. Obviously, Angelina could not have risen to fame without her yaya. So thank you, Yaya, and all household helpers here and abroad. You are the hidden heroes of Filipino society.

I hereby declare that...

2010 is going to be L-E-G-E-N-D-A-R-Y!

Thoughts on Obama's Health Care Plan

*Note: This commentary explores some aspects discussed by Obama in his speech during the joint session in Congress last September, which I wrote for my Math260 class. I do not claim full knowledge on the issue at hand.

Universal health care has remained that “great unfinished business” of American society. While the effort of President Barack Obama to finally own the challenge of reform is outstanding, U.S. citizens cannot help but feel overwhelmed with negativity and paranoia about change. The skepticism brought about by an economy fresh from a financial crisis glares in contrast with the idealism of the Democrats’ proposed health care plan. Three basic goals addressed in this bill are: security and stability for the insured, quality and affordable choices for the uninsured, and slower growth of health care costs for everyone. Opponents have slammed the proposal as being unrealistic and expensive, declaring that it will only impact the public the other way around. In this case, is it really worth going out on a limb to push for reform? Or will such an endeavor prove to be too costly that it is no longer worth its long-term gains?

The first issue in the speech that is of primary interest to me is the creation of an exchange where insurance companies can participate and compete with a public option. Obama mentioned that the purpose of this exchange is to offer better prices to those who do not yet have health insurance. I agree that the presence of competition can also reduce, if not prevent certain abuses by insurance companies, and it will also compel them to provide quality coverage to the insured. At the same time, insurance companies will also have to abide by new consumer protections – such as providing routine checkups for no extra charge, or placing caps to people’s out-of-pocket expenses. Now this will surely be good for consumers – but I think it puts too much pressure on insurance companies, especially those which are doing their jobs well in the first place. Such new restrictions will incur more costs, thereby generating higher premium rates – but with the public option in place, they will have no other choice but to forcibly lower their rates in order to compete. Otherwise, a government-sponsored health insurance will remain the most attractive option even to those who already have insurance. And so, while Obama does not intend to put insurance companies out of business, I’m inclined to believe that his new plan just might do exactly that.

The second matter that caught my attention is that the plan seeks to limit premium discrimination based on health risks or “pre-existing conditions” (even gender and age). First of all, I strongly favor the idea that insurance companies should not be allowed to deny anyone coverage, or drop it unexpectedly because of some pre-existing condition that they or the patient have not been initially aware of. I also find it ironic that those with health problems have greater difficulty obtaining coverage when they are the ones who need it the most. However, there are some conflicting issues associated with imposing “unbiased” premium rates. Higher health risks imply higher premium rates – that’s how insurance works; you pay more if you need more. Once the premium rates are no longer based on one’s well-being, overall rates will be higher relative to the healthier or younger ones, and they will end up paying more for those who are frequently sick. In other words, making insurance more affordable to those who have pre-existing conditions might make it unaffordable to those who don’t. In this perspective, it does not seem to be a good idea. But on the other hand, it is precisely that discrimination that gives people the incentive to conceal any pre-existing conditions in order for them to be able to acquire coverage. When that happens, either the insurer will eventually have to water down their coverage or else other people will still end up paying more for the costs. To prevent such cases, perhaps a community rating will be just as favorable. I personally wouldn’t mind paying a bit more if it means giving someone else with a serious illness the opportunity to afford health care.

There’s already a lot of tension between having to drive down premium rates through competition, and being required to cover pre-existing conditions at the same time. Indeed, insurance companies in the U.S. have the most to lose. But it also serves to remind them that their services to the public are more valuable than their profits are to them. And it is the obligation of the government to lay down its hand when the quality of health care is deteriorating because of greed (read: not applicable in the Philippines). Still, I can argue to some extent that Obama may perhaps be undermining the insurance companies too much. Let’s not forget that people abuse insurance companies too by committing fraud. I thereby echo Obama in emphasizing that real reform can only be achieved if everyone does his or her part, insurer and insured alike.

A third aspect I’d like to point out is that under the Democrats’ plan, there will be individual mandate to carry basic health insurance. This is to address the concern that those with insurance are being forced to pick up the tab for the ER expenses of the uninsured by paying higher premiums (or higher taxes) for it. The mandate can therefore level out premium rates by making everyone chip in for the costs of health care, which I believe is only fair. However, making it a requirement of the law though may be a little stringent or restrictive to the lower-income individuals, who may have other immediate priorities than health insurance. Well, Obama did say that individuals and small businesses who still can’t afford insurance will be given tax credits, or a hardship waiver for exemption from the requirement. I guess regulation and enforcement will be the most difficult undertaking with this proposal, but otherwise I don’t see anything wrong with it.

In the three main points I mentioned among many others, I can see that some aspects of the plan can make costs go up, while other aspects can make it go down. We have yet to see which one outweighs the other, and what macro effect it will have on American society. All in all, being the powerful speaker he is, Obama’s speech was rather convincing. He clearly addressed all the controversies and rumors hounding his plan. He did say that American taxpayers will not be subsidizing the public insurance option, in which case competition should be more reasonable. And he did say that the new plan will not add a single dime to their deficit. Of course, while things are easier said than done, clean implementation and enforcement will be the next bigger challenge. The weeding out of waste and inefficiency in Medicare to fund for the plan, while protecting the benefits of the elderly, is not an easy task. Nevertheless, it is admirable for Obama to boldly take up this cause instead of making the politically or financially safe move to stick to the status quo. He mentions that the issue of health care is no longer just a material concern, but a moral one. True, we are not always aware of how big a difference it makes to give other people the means to afford life when they are losing it. And finally, while Obama’s plan of making health insurance accessible to everyone is grounded on noble intentions, it is obviously not a win-win plan. In fact, there may never be a win-win plan. There will be gains, but there will always be costs, and the debate goes on. What’s left for the Americans to decide is whether to trust their President or not. If I were an American citizen though, I would be willing to give it a shot.