Colors and Lines

My past two weeks has been a touching journey reading The Help (by Kathryn Stockett), which finished me in tears, and I hold this story dear to me for so many reasons.  I felt compelled to write something, anything, just because I don't want to forget.  

Lines.  Society is filled with them.  Relationships are circumscribed by them.  Lives are defined by them.  The lines that used to exist between the blacks and the whites were ones that left scars on history but redefined fate.  I particularly liked this story that the black maid, Aibileen, told the white baby, Mae Mobley:

“Once upon a time they was two girls," I say. "one girl had black skin, one girl had white."
Mae Mobley look up at me. She listening.
"Little colored girl say to little white girl, 'How come your skin be so pale?' White girl say, 'I don't know. How come your skin be so black? What you think that mean?'
"But neither one a them little girls knew. So little white girl say, 'Well, let's see. You got hair, I got hair.' "I gives Mae Mobley a little tousle on her head.
"Little colored girl say 'I got a nose, you got a nose.' "I gives her little snout a tweak. She got to reach up and do the same to me.
"Little white girl say, 'I got toes, you got toes.' And I do the little thing with her toes, but she can't get to mine cause I got my white work shoes on.
"'So we's the same. Just a different color', say that little colored girl. The little white girl, she agreed and they was friends. The End."
Baby Girl just look at me. Law, that was a sorry story if I ever heard one. Wasn't even no plot to it. But Mae Mobley, she smile and say, "Tell it again.” 

It seems such a simplistic, overrated thought in a year like 2012, but it's the first time that I was really able to chew on it.  Because there are no lines.  We create the lines in our head. Until we become so afraid to cross them.  The truth is, "We are just two people. Not that much separates us. Not nearly as much as I'd thought."  

How to Date an Actuary

* Inspired by Date a Girl who Reads / Writes / Travels / Tweets, etc.

Date a girl who dreams of being an actuary.  When you meet her, you must at least have an idea of what Actuarial Science is and what an actuary does.  Never give her the blank stare or the look that spells “what-the-hell-is-what?”.  Do that and she won’t bother with anything but lazy answers on how it’s related to Risk or Probability or Finance.  Either you must know something about it and she will love explaining it to you to impress you, or, you know enough about it to already be impressed by her.

The most basic things you need to be acquainted with beforehand: 1) her work doesn’t have anything to do with birds, or fish, or horses, or any type of animal for that matter; 2) the professionals are called actuaries, not actuarians, and most certainly not actuarial scientists; 3) there is 90% chance that she was a Math major, 8% a Statistics major, the remaining 2% an Economics major; 4) her ultimate career goal is to pursue a local or international Fellowship designation; 5) she would most likely be working at an insurance company, a retirement consulting firm, or an HMO.  With the information she’ll be giving you, never look intimidated (it’s just a standard definition she memorized) – always look interested. (Yes, even if you’re not, you law student you, because FYI she studies just as much as you do).

When you decide to pursue her and eventually she says yes, you would also have to say YES to that baggage of actuarial exams she’s carrying with her, which will haunt you for at least the next five years of your relationship. You will be hearing about those exams from this point of your life moving forward.  Embrace those exams with open arms.  Keep track of what exam she’s taking and know how many there are left to take, because for sure you will find yourself counting down.  Train yourself now.  Exams, exams, exams, EXAMS. You won’t be able to get enough of that word.  It will seem like it will go on forever.

Your dates and travels and plans will revolve around the schedule of her next EXAM, the big red circle on her calendar.  Don’t you ever complain.  Her commitment is your commitment too.  You’re going to have to be involved.  Encourage her to start studying early.  Even if she doesn’t want to, it’s your responsibility to pressure, I mean, remind her.  Few months before the exam, accept the fact that she will be buried in her books and sample problems and heaps of scratch paper for all of her free time.  If she’s the type who wants to be left alone studying, then your dates will have to be deferred for the time being.  Don’t worry, it never means she doesn’t want to be with you, it’s just that she just needs to focus all her time and energy on this thing for now.  Just make sure she takes a break and surprise her with, I dunno, more coffee to drink or a box of newly sharpened pencils.  On the other hand, if she’s the type who wants company while studying, be with her.  Stay with her for as long as she wants you there.  Best case is that you’re also studying for your MBA or Bar Exam or Boards too.  Don’t be jealous of that BA II Plus calculator she’s carrying around with her 24/7 – sometimes it will seem like she loves it more than she loves you, but don’t worry, she will also hate it more than she hates you.  Don’t be jealous of that Broverman guy she’s always talking about, or that other man (Bowels?), or the weird one Polkinghorn (was that a dude or a dinosaur?).  Those guys may be smarter than you, but trust me, they don’t love her like you do.

Few days before the exam, you’re going to have to let her be.  Do NOT “make kulit” about ANYTHING ELSE THAT IS NOT MORE IMPORTANT THAN THIS!  Appease her if she’s panicking, but not too much for her to slack off.  (By the way, as this applies to actuarial guys too, girlfriends just bear with them guys who grow out their hair and beard until the exam.)  Give her some space; whisper a prayer for her; send her a good luck card – do what you have to do.

After the exam, there’s going to be an ineffable breathing-out experience that is comparable to absolutely nothing.  But brace yourself.  If she found it too hard, she will rant.  Boy will she rant.  Even cry her heart out. Or whatever it is she does best when she’s upset. (For the girlfriends again, some guys will shave their head off after an exam. Dunno what it is about men and their hair.)  On the other hand, even if she found it manageable, she’d still be worrying endlessly – she can never be too complacent after an actuarial exam.  But one thing’s for sure – when results are out (could be right after the exam or two months after), you’re going to have to go out.  Fail, your treat; pass, her treat.  And either way it’s going to be a good goddamn treat, as if it were your golden anniversary.

And that whole cycle will repeat itself again before you can even say the word “vacatio--“. 

More often than not, she’d aim to get the exams over with before getting married.  So if you want to marry her, encourage her to finish the exams right away.  Even if it takes her 5 re-takes on one exam, encourage her still. Sometimes she will lose hope, and you will have to keep encouraging her.  For as long as she studies hard enough, she will make it.  She. Will. Pass.  And you have to make her believe that.

If it’s not her exams she’s complaining about, it’s going to be about her work.  There will be times that her work will sap out her energy so make sure you won’t be an added burden.  You’re going to have to be a refreshing presence in her life.  After some time, her ultimate dream might just evolve into becoming a housewife, or just simply retiring early.  You’re lucky if she still wants to be a consultant.  So, in any case, you’d better step up in your own career.  They say some of the best combinations are actuaries and doctors, or actuaries and lawyers, because actuaries earn the big bucks earlier and the doctor/lawyer later on.  But anyway, whatever it is you do, make sure it will earn enough for both of you in the case that she decides one day to quit and do the more enjoyable things in life, like, say, not thinking.

So, date a girl who dreams of being an actuary.  If she becomes one, she’ll be one out of less than a hundred in this country.  How many girls can you find who chooses such a career out of love for money Math?  And it’s not nerdy, it’s effin’ hot!  The moment you meet her, she’s already a rare find.  The long journey on those exams will be worth it, especially with you by her side.

* Word count of EXAM in this write-up: 24